Another great article by Chris Weider. Enjoy!!
There are lots of things we desire to own in this life, aren’t there? Many of them are fine and dandy, as the saying goes. But there is the most important thing we own that many people never think about owning, and that is their life! They spend a lot of time thinking about the next set of golf clubs, a vacation home, or a new piece of jewelry, but they never really understand that they own their life. Whenever it comes time to be responsible, they end up placing the blame somewhere else, rather than realizing that they are the owner and so they are responsible! With that in mind, here are some thoughts about the ownership your have of your life:
You only own one person – you.
You don’t own your spouse. You don’t own your boss. You don’t own your kids (with kids, you are in charge of them, given the tremendous responsibility of teaching them to own their own lives, but you don’t own them). No, there is only one person you own, and that is you. That is great news! Now you don’t have to worry about running anybody else’s life! This is a temptation for us isn’t it? We just know how everybody else should do it and with many of them we try to take ownership and run their life! Well, hands off! Take control of your own life since it is the only one you own. You wouldn’t try to drive somebody else’s car from the grocery store parking lot, so don’t try to drive their life either! You own you – so stick to you!
You get to choose what to do with only one person – you.
Once you have come to realize that you only own you, you get to get to the fun part – running your life and making it what you want it to be. Instead of choosing what other people should do, you get to focus in on choosing what you get to do. You get to begin to shape and mold your life. This is exciting! Aren’t you glad you don’t have to run everybody else’s lives anymore? I am!
Your ownership means that you can do what you want with yourself. Your life is a blank sheet of paper. You can choose whatever you want to do. You can have whatever profession you want. You can earn as much money as you desire. You can marry whoever suits your fancy (as long as you suit their fancy too by the way). Stop wishing and start choosing. I like to use the example of a person who is thirty years old and doesn’t like their income. I tell them that if the so chose, they could go back to school, get a degree, go to medical school and by age forty be in a high-income profession. Then they would have 25 years of high wages to support the lifestyle they desire. You can choose whatever you want and take whatever actions you choose to rectify any situation you are in!
Your ultimate destination in life is set by you, not somebody else.
Where will you end up? Wherever you choose to end up. You will do well to get it in your mind that someday you will be seventy years old and you will be at a certain place and the only thing that got you there was the choices you made all along the way. Imagine that. If you are thirty, you have forty years – FORTY YEARS – of choices that can put you right where you want to be at the end of your life! So you’re fifty-five? Who cares? You probably have at least twenty years left! You still have TWENTY YEARS to get yourself to whatever destination you choose. Do you know what a person can do in twenty years? ALMOST ANYTHING THEY SET THEIR HEART ON!
The responsibility for your life, and what you accomplish, is found in one person – you.
You will accomplish what you choose to accomplish. You will make and save as much money as you choose to. You will write as many books as you choose to. You will take as many vacations as you choose to. You will have the kind of relationships you choose to. What you accomplish is up to you! Take that seriously!
Focus on your values and live them out, regardless of what other people do. This is key. We do not live our lives in a vacuum. We need to be very thoughtful about what we believe, about what our values are, and what our morality is. These things will all shape how we go about exerting ownership of our lives. But once we have come to understand these things for ourselves, the power to live our lives increases tremendously. Now it doesn’t matter what anybody else does. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are. We live out of our morality, values and beliefs. These are the principles that transcend everything else and enable us to set our course!
I know this seems like a lot of responsibility, but I consider it a freedom and a privilege! We get one life to live and we get to shape it however we want. That is one job I want to take seriously and not mess up! With diligence, hard work, and a lot of right decisions, I’ll get to the end of my life deeply fulfilled. I hope you will to!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
10 Business and Leadership Lessons - From Machiavelli
By Steve Tobak. Great article!! Definately worth a read!! Enjoy!!
Few historical figures are as divisive and polarizing as Niccolo Machiavelli. The fact that this Renaissance philosophers works date back 500 years hasn’t blunted its impact or controversy one bit.
Some view him as the father of modern materialism, inspiring people to do or say anything to achieve personal gain, i.e. the ends justify the means. Indeed, the word Machiavellian - derived from his most famous work, The Prince - has come to mean cunning, deceit, and manipulation.
Others, however, see him as the world’s first great realist and a positive influence on modern politics and capitalism. Some even think Machiavelli was the first to apply empirical scientific methods to human behavior by making innovative generalizations based on experience, observation, and history.
Being a realist - much like Machiavelli - I’m not inclined to weigh in on the man’s overall affect on the world, good or bad. Regardless, many of his ideas for achieving long-term political success and power translate extraordinarily well into the current business climate of intense global competition.
Moreover, I never realized how closely my own ideas on business, leadership, and entrepreneurial culture resonated with his until I read this post by author Mark Harrison. It turns out that I’ve more or less been quoting the guy for years without even realizing it. Coincidence? Hmm.
In any case, he predates us all by a few centuries, which makes these 10 Business and Leadership Lessons from Machiavelli remarkable, to say the least:
1.
“Whosoever desires constant success must change his conduct with the times.” As I wrote just the other day, “Leaders must learn to adapt in a fast-changing world to avoid corporate or political disaster.” That is, after all, why most companies fail.
2.
“Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.” An entrepreneur’s first and most important goal is to find a unique and innovative solution that solves a big customer or market problem. Without obstacles, there are no opportunities. And those same obstacles provide barriers to competitors, down the road.
3.
“Never was anything great achieved without danger.” I’ve often said that willingness to take risks is a critical success factor. In Irreverent Career Advice for Up-and-Comers, I encourage young folks to, “Take big risks … now!” since, “It gets much harder as you get older and begin to ‘acquire’ things you don’t want to risk losing.”
4.
“Where the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be great.” Finding your passion is not only the key to happiness, but also the key to business success. As Apple CEO Steve Jobs once said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” Amen.
5.
“I’m not interested in preserving the status quo; I want to overthrow it.” Most of you know that I abhor the status quo. In Why Skeptics Make Great Leaders, I wrote, “Cynics question common wisdom and those in authority. [They] aren’t just okay with the status quo. [They] seek a better way to do things. [They] break rules and break molds.”
6.
“The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.” Weak leaders surround themselves with weak lieutenants. Strong leaders always hire the best at what they do … assuming they can afford it.
7.
“The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom a specious one, I feel. There are only individual egos …” In Are You a Dysfunctional Manager? we discuss how dysfunctional managers get stuck in one stage of human development and “look just like ordinary adults, but actually behave a lot more like children, acting out, throwing tantrums, and generally making life miserable for everyone around us.”
8.
There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things. So true. It’s also true of startups, mega-mergers, and big corporate change initiatives.
9.
“The wise man does at once what the fool does finally.” I’ve always favored decisive action versus over-planning which, in dysfunctional organizations, often results in analysis paralysis.
10.
“The more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.” Regarding Google’s recent announcement that co-founder Larry Page will become CEO, I concluded that Founders Do Make Good CEOs … When They Grow Up. We’re all getting older, but are we also becoming wiser? Let’s hope so.
Few historical figures are as divisive and polarizing as Niccolo Machiavelli. The fact that this Renaissance philosophers works date back 500 years hasn’t blunted its impact or controversy one bit.
Some view him as the father of modern materialism, inspiring people to do or say anything to achieve personal gain, i.e. the ends justify the means. Indeed, the word Machiavellian - derived from his most famous work, The Prince - has come to mean cunning, deceit, and manipulation.
Others, however, see him as the world’s first great realist and a positive influence on modern politics and capitalism. Some even think Machiavelli was the first to apply empirical scientific methods to human behavior by making innovative generalizations based on experience, observation, and history.
Being a realist - much like Machiavelli - I’m not inclined to weigh in on the man’s overall affect on the world, good or bad. Regardless, many of his ideas for achieving long-term political success and power translate extraordinarily well into the current business climate of intense global competition.
Moreover, I never realized how closely my own ideas on business, leadership, and entrepreneurial culture resonated with his until I read this post by author Mark Harrison. It turns out that I’ve more or less been quoting the guy for years without even realizing it. Coincidence? Hmm.
In any case, he predates us all by a few centuries, which makes these 10 Business and Leadership Lessons from Machiavelli remarkable, to say the least:
1.
“Whosoever desires constant success must change his conduct with the times.” As I wrote just the other day, “Leaders must learn to adapt in a fast-changing world to avoid corporate or political disaster.” That is, after all, why most companies fail.
2.
“Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.” An entrepreneur’s first and most important goal is to find a unique and innovative solution that solves a big customer or market problem. Without obstacles, there are no opportunities. And those same obstacles provide barriers to competitors, down the road.
3.
“Never was anything great achieved without danger.” I’ve often said that willingness to take risks is a critical success factor. In Irreverent Career Advice for Up-and-Comers, I encourage young folks to, “Take big risks … now!” since, “It gets much harder as you get older and begin to ‘acquire’ things you don’t want to risk losing.”
4.
“Where the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be great.” Finding your passion is not only the key to happiness, but also the key to business success. As Apple CEO Steve Jobs once said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” Amen.
5.
“I’m not interested in preserving the status quo; I want to overthrow it.” Most of you know that I abhor the status quo. In Why Skeptics Make Great Leaders, I wrote, “Cynics question common wisdom and those in authority. [They] aren’t just okay with the status quo. [They] seek a better way to do things. [They] break rules and break molds.”
6.
“The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.” Weak leaders surround themselves with weak lieutenants. Strong leaders always hire the best at what they do … assuming they can afford it.
7.
“The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom a specious one, I feel. There are only individual egos …” In Are You a Dysfunctional Manager? we discuss how dysfunctional managers get stuck in one stage of human development and “look just like ordinary adults, but actually behave a lot more like children, acting out, throwing tantrums, and generally making life miserable for everyone around us.”
8.
There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things. So true. It’s also true of startups, mega-mergers, and big corporate change initiatives.
9.
“The wise man does at once what the fool does finally.” I’ve always favored decisive action versus over-planning which, in dysfunctional organizations, often results in analysis paralysis.
10.
“The more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.” Regarding Google’s recent announcement that co-founder Larry Page will become CEO, I concluded that Founders Do Make Good CEOs … When They Grow Up. We’re all getting older, but are we also becoming wiser? Let’s hope so.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Big goals require big plans: Losing weight after pregnancy
Great article by Penelope Trunk. Enjoy!!
The fact that good-looking people make more money is truer for women than men, which is especially unfair, because it is very hard to not gain a million pounds when you’re pregnant; I gained sixty. This column is about my two-month quest to lose that weight, and the importance of making a plan for any large and difficult goal.
I happen to have a book deal that is predicated on a grand speaking tour, and the speaking tour is predicated on me not being overweight, and the bookings need to start in September. If I can’t line up speaking gigs, I can’t promote my book, and if I don’t promote my book, it won’t sell and I won’t get another contract. So losing weight became my number one job.
This is what my agent said three days after I delivered the baby: “I don’t mean to be harsh, but you look terrible."
This is what my husband said two days later: “The stress of you having to lose so much weight so quickly will kill us both. Give back the money you got for the book."
I did what works best for me when I’m in trouble: I wrote lists and schedules. I wrote a schedule for two visits a day to the gym and lists for what I would do there each day. I wrote a schedule for the babysitter, who had to come to the gym with me because the baby is not on a bottle. (Yes, I got off the treadmill to breastfeed.) I wrote a list of food — what to carry with me each day, and when to go food shopping, because if I’m starving in front of a bakery with no food in my backpack I’ll do the bakery. Finally, I scheduled the date I would go to my agent’s office to show her that I lost the weight.
It worked. I lost twenty pounds just by delivering the baby. But I lost forty pounds in two months. People are shocked to see me, and they ask me how I did it. First I tell them that if you had to lose weight in order to earn a living, you’d be able to do it, too. I gained insight into ultra-thin Hollywood; not being able to work if you take too many bites of cookie gives you a lot of self-discipline.
But the bigger factor here is that I came up with a schedule and followed it. And I realized that I could do this for any goal, not just weight loss.
Many times we are scared that we won’t meet our most important goals. Decision points cater this fear– they open the door to self-doubt and inaction. But meticulous scheduling up front, and a belief in your planning abilities will allow you to relax; tune out your worries and just follow the plan.
You can’t take this advice for everything in life. But making an extremely detailed, well-thought-out schedule to support an ambitious plan, is a great way to ensure you meet your most important goals – the ones that will make or break your career.
Some of you will realize that your career really is stalling because your weight makes you look out of control. For most of you, though, weight loss will not be all that important. But you might have other goals that you worry you won’t achieve, such as switching careers, going back to school, or growing your consulting business.
Make a commitment to yourself and to your most important goals by reserving time in your day and space in your head to meet your goals. Great ambitions are not met haphazardly, and many times are not met at all. You can increase your odds tremendously by planning meticulously.
My next step is finding good places to book my speaking tour. I had been worried that this would not work out. But now I feel more confident. I am making a plan, as detailed as I made for the weight loss. And I know if I execute the plan on a daily basis, I will end up with a speaking tour that I like.
The fact that good-looking people make more money is truer for women than men, which is especially unfair, because it is very hard to not gain a million pounds when you’re pregnant; I gained sixty. This column is about my two-month quest to lose that weight, and the importance of making a plan for any large and difficult goal.
I happen to have a book deal that is predicated on a grand speaking tour, and the speaking tour is predicated on me not being overweight, and the bookings need to start in September. If I can’t line up speaking gigs, I can’t promote my book, and if I don’t promote my book, it won’t sell and I won’t get another contract. So losing weight became my number one job.
This is what my agent said three days after I delivered the baby: “I don’t mean to be harsh, but you look terrible."
This is what my husband said two days later: “The stress of you having to lose so much weight so quickly will kill us both. Give back the money you got for the book."
I did what works best for me when I’m in trouble: I wrote lists and schedules. I wrote a schedule for two visits a day to the gym and lists for what I would do there each day. I wrote a schedule for the babysitter, who had to come to the gym with me because the baby is not on a bottle. (Yes, I got off the treadmill to breastfeed.) I wrote a list of food — what to carry with me each day, and when to go food shopping, because if I’m starving in front of a bakery with no food in my backpack I’ll do the bakery. Finally, I scheduled the date I would go to my agent’s office to show her that I lost the weight.
It worked. I lost twenty pounds just by delivering the baby. But I lost forty pounds in two months. People are shocked to see me, and they ask me how I did it. First I tell them that if you had to lose weight in order to earn a living, you’d be able to do it, too. I gained insight into ultra-thin Hollywood; not being able to work if you take too many bites of cookie gives you a lot of self-discipline.
But the bigger factor here is that I came up with a schedule and followed it. And I realized that I could do this for any goal, not just weight loss.
Many times we are scared that we won’t meet our most important goals. Decision points cater this fear– they open the door to self-doubt and inaction. But meticulous scheduling up front, and a belief in your planning abilities will allow you to relax; tune out your worries and just follow the plan.
You can’t take this advice for everything in life. But making an extremely detailed, well-thought-out schedule to support an ambitious plan, is a great way to ensure you meet your most important goals – the ones that will make or break your career.
Some of you will realize that your career really is stalling because your weight makes you look out of control. For most of you, though, weight loss will not be all that important. But you might have other goals that you worry you won’t achieve, such as switching careers, going back to school, or growing your consulting business.
Make a commitment to yourself and to your most important goals by reserving time in your day and space in your head to meet your goals. Great ambitions are not met haphazardly, and many times are not met at all. You can increase your odds tremendously by planning meticulously.
My next step is finding good places to book my speaking tour. I had been worried that this would not work out. But now I feel more confident. I am making a plan, as detailed as I made for the weight loss. And I know if I execute the plan on a daily basis, I will end up with a speaking tour that I like.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Top Five Regrets!
Great article by Bronnie Ware. Enjoy!!
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
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